Another L Word: Lurker

I’m addicted to The L Word and have been since episode one. The sex is hot and the women are cool. My girl crush is the androgynous lady-killer Shane who cuts hair and breaks hearts. Although she slept with two bridesmaids and the mother of the bride in a wedding episode, she wasn’t the one having the hottest sex this season. Helena, the rich girl who was caught at an illegal high stakes poker game, got thrown in the slammer with a beefcake beauty. She and her cellmate made the best of their close quarters and even fell in love. Who knew bunk bed prison sex could be so romantic?! It started to make me think that being stared at in jail might be kinda sexy…. But last weekend, I learned my lesson — luckily without being arrested. Over the holiday weekend, I decided to go shopping at one of my favorite stores. It has great deals, but bad open dressing rooms. Just like public restrooms or taking a seat on the bus, in this style fitting room — so long as there are open spaces — you never take one directly next to another lady. It’s just the unspoken law of the land. However, the woman who planted herself in the same corner as me must not have gotten the memo. In a world where we’re constantly noticing men staring at our boobs, I never expected it from a middle-aged woman! And she was leering so creepily. Every time I looked in the mirror, she was checking me out and making groaning noises. She kept running her hands over her body and sighing. I never felt so vulnerable in a room filled with people and I suddenly understood how frightened my L Word hero Helena must have felt in her first prison shower scene when the same thing happened to her. But since I didn’t have a butch bodyguard and this creepy lady was within arms reach of me, I quickly threw my clothes back on (strategically so I wouldn’t have to bend over), and ran out without trying everything on. Whew, that was too close for comfort. Although my prison sex fantasy is ruined, it just goes to show you how good the L Word is. Leave it to Hollywood to make anything look glamorous — even jail time. [Showtime: The L Word]