Time Out Time Out!

There’s only one thing I hate about being single: the constant stream of relationship advice I didn’t even ask for. I have a degree, plenty of relationship experience, a body that just won’t quit, and a tube of red lipstick — I am well equipped to survive in the wilderness that is the dating scene. Yet everyone wants to jump in on the action, from my married friends who mean well to magazine relationship experts. And, by the way, the advice is always the same: “Empower yourself so you can attract a man to latch onto.” The latest to dispense this advice is Time Out New York and their resident dating “expert” Julia Allison (you non-New Yorkers may recognize her as a talking head on CNN and Fox News). The magazine’s “Singles Issue” promises that if you let someone Photoshop and style you, you can attract a mate someday — all aspects of Allison’s marketing (yourself) plan. Other nuggets of advice after the jump.

  • Follow the lead of other non-single women you admire (FYI, Allison is single, so she’s out!)

  • Ask about and obsess over what people think of you. Change your flaws accordingly!
  • Read dating books!
  • Heave your breasts up and together in a sexy push-up bra.
  • Um, yeah. Thanks for nothing! With Valentine’s Day a week away, I’m sure the TONY editors think this special edition is timely, but having enough sanity to just listen to yourself is timeless. [Time Out New York]