The Nookie Know-It-All: A Puppy Problem

Q: My dog constantly barks when I’m having sex. It’s so annoying and a bit of a turn-off and I don’t know what to do. If I put him in another room he barks even louder. My guy recommended we keep the puppy on the bed with us during the act but that kind of creeps me out. Is it weird that my guy is cool with that? — Sick Of The Yelping, New York, NY

A: Blugh. I just shuddered at my desk. Puppies and sex? I can think of a ton of things that go better together. Vanilla and chocolate, peas and carrots, margaritas and tacos. Life is too short to mix gross things like puppies and sex. Now that you know I’m a prude who doesn’t think Lassie and fellatio go together, I feel confident telling you it’s a little weird your boyfriend wants to keep him on the bed. With that being said, I can also see how guys can be clueless. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say it’s more of the “duh” factor with your man, as opposed to the “Holy crap, I’m dating a freak!” factor.

You should talk to your boyfriend and tell him that it bothers you. Sit him down and compare the dog to your fictional child for a bit. Tell him the dog is part of the family and that allowing him to watch is the equivalent of a kid seeing his parents doing it — though definitely use the “f” word, because that will get the point across. Then you should immediately look into a trainer or get some books on how to stop your dog from barking. I’m no pet expert, but I think training the dog to not bark while you’re doing the deed is a better solution than letting him watch the action. Now, if the dog still wants to watch, go ahead and make the bitch pay for it. That kind of entertainment doesn’t come for free.A Note On Playing It Safe: The Frisky thinks safe sex is smart sex – so please practice it in the way that’s right for your relationship.

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