Cheating And Christmas Go Hand In Hand

Sure, this time of year is generally when people tend to remember what they’re thankful for — things like health, work, family, and friends — but the holidays are also ideal for cheating on your significant other. Who knew! With holiday parties and frantic shopping sprees as excuses, we have plenty of opportunities to deceive each other, which is really sad, because if you can’t be faithful around Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanza, when can you? We think cheating around the holidays would make someone an even bigger ass than he would be if he cheated at any other time of year, so if you have a bad feeling about someone being a scumbag, here are a few things to be on the lookout for (and how we think you can prevent such suspicious behavior)…

  • A hidden gift you discovered that wasn’t given to you. [Ask about it. Have you not seen Love Actually?]
  • Expensive items that appear around the house have disappeared. [Glue expensive items down.]
  • Hiding the cell phone bill. [Get a family plan so you can monitor other’s activity online.]
  • Working a lot of overtime. [Only date coworkers.]
  • Added mileage on the odometer. [Live in a city where owning a car is damn near impossible.]
  • New sexual techniques. [Handcuff him to the bed.]
  • Restless at home. [Handcuff him to the bed.]
  • Stays up late; avoids you. [Handcuff him to the bed.] [Daytona Beach News-Journal]