Going Out For Drinks Is Boring

How many times have I gone out for drinks on a date? More times than I can count. Of course, it’s partly my fault for not suggesting something more exciting. So I asked my friend John, who’s always taking girls out on interesting adventures, to tell me three of his most successful — though I’m not sure I see myself going to a cock fight any time soon.

1) Amateur Boxing Match
“The girl I’m dating is really into blood sport. She gets all excited and punchy afterwards. I’ve been trying to find out about cockfights — the avian kind — but I don’t seem to know the right people. And it might be too much for her anyway.”

2) The Zoo
“I went to the Brooklyn Zoo with a girl I made cry twice. There’s a llama barn there and she loves llamas, so that was a big score. You can feed them and pet them and hope they don’t bite your hand off. I hate animals.”

3) Ping Pong
“I’ve had a couple ping-pong brawls with the girl I’m seeing. She’s pretty good, which surprised me. It was fun at first but it has since escalated into serious business, fraught with anxiety and resentment and loathing. Afterwards, we’re able to put that all aside and be friends again — as long as I win — and it lends some electricity to the, ahem, romance.”