During a recent email exchange between a group of friends helping to compile some typical “guyisms” for The Frisky, the conversation evolved from what we were looking for in the first place — “Just the tip, I promise!” and “It’s not you, it’s me.” — to a back and forth exchange of truly hilarious and sometimes super heinous male maneuvers. A few even reminded us of Wooderson, the character Matthew McConaughey played in Dazed and Confused. Here’s a sampling of some of our favorites — share yours in the comments!
“Okay, so I go home with a guy I have known my entire life. We start to French, and I say that I won’t do it sans condom. He proceeds to go into his roommate’s room, comes back, holds up a condom wrapper from across the room and puts it on. When we get going I realize there is no condom. Turns out he just took a wrapper off his roommate’s floor, held it up to show me, and then mimed putting it on…there never actually was a condom.”
“This dude I was seeing was out of town a lot, but promised to call me when he got back from this one trip. I texted him, like, five times the day I thought he was supposed to be back. And the next day. And the next. No response. Then I saw him on my street, just hanging out. I confronted him and he said: ‘I’m just so busy, I didn’t possibly have time to call you. My life is like a time bomb waiting to explode. I don’t want you to get hit.’”
“Sleaziest move EVER: I’ve heard of a guy pick-pocketing a chick’s phone at the bar and swapping it with his own, only to call her at 2 a.m. and say, ‘I think you have my phone — want to meet and switch them back?’”
“Right before I moved to New York I was seeing this guy, and we were obviously breaking up since he was staying in San Francisco. So anyway, we were doing it and (for whatever stupid reason) we were doing the pull and pray, except he didn’t pull. When I realized, I freaked out on him, and he started crying and said he was trying to get me pregnant so I wouldn’t move to New York. Um, psycho chick move!”