The Hills Starts To Resemble A Movie Of The Week

Unfortunately there has never actually been any knockin’ boots on The Hills, a pity since we would seriously pay money to see hot piece of ass Brody Jenner naked but for a smile on his face. That said, there are many lessons to learn about dating from this pack of Mensa members, particularly from super-serious-as-a-heart-attack (no really, can they both please have heart attacks?) couple Heidi and Spencer. Heidi is a back-stabbing girl-hater who ditched her friends for Spencer, a somewhat evil, media whoring celebutard who probably whittled down Heidi’s ego just enough so she’d get breast implants and a nose job. That said, it is interesting to note that while Heidi has, like, no friends left, neither does Spencer. This is a messed up rationale, but somehow both of their friendless-ness seemed to be an indication of their blind devotion to one another. It would be sweet if they weren’t so toxic. Our take on this week’s episode, after the jump…Spencer’s insanely possessive psycho-killer side came out guns blazing as he retaliated for Heidi’s bailing on their anniversary dinner. The lesson learned? How to tell if a guy is messing with the head of your friend: Passive aggressive badgering and belittling of her other priorities, including work; stalker-like surprise appearance at the office, demanding attention; shooting daggers with the eyes with an on-the-edge-of-insanity-smile glued to the face. Heidi, you’re a dumb ho with crap for brains, but get the heck out. Now. [MTV]